It’s my fault, really. I was researching weaponry for wannabe killer Sherry Merlot, one of the main characters in the sequel to Shyster & Shyster. Rassmussen caught me. His eyes lit up like some toddler demon when he saw all those semi-automatic handguns. I could have sworn he mumbled “oh, pretty” at one point, but don’t hold me to it.
Two days later, he received a mysterious package from Guns ‘R Us, which he disappeared into the basement with before I could count to ten. When he came out later, he was sporting a quick draw holster with some futuristic piece of hardware strapped in it and two belts of ammunition clips that he wore crossed over his chest like some Old West gunslinger. He showed me the stellar laser gun sight, but when I didn’t make enough appreciative noises, he stalked off to the shooting range.
Here is my question. What does a creature with talons as sharp as swords, jaws that can crush a man’s larynx, and the ability to silently fly above his enemy, then swoop down for the kill need with a gun? Especially with a gun with semi-automatic capabilities, armor-piercing rounds, and a state-of-the-art laser sight?
Granted, all Americans (although I don’t know if Rassmussen is technically an American) have the right to bear arms, I wonder if all Americans should have the right to bear arms. I don’t know if I feel any safer with Rassmussen protecting the home front with a gun than I did pre-gun. For that matter, I don’t know that I feel any safer living in a conceal and carry state where anyone can carry a weapon, regardless of mental health, good intentions, or common sense.
I do know I meet a lot of people I pray never has access to a gun, for their safety and my own. Rassmassen falls into that category, particular after he came home right before dawn bellyaching about a sore foot. I didn’t have time to examine the sore foot before dawn arose and my curmudgeon of a roommate turned back into the stone gargoyle garden statue.
The following evening, I pried the story out of him. He had been out shooting squirrels, in the dark, but had grown bored of killing from a distance when he knew he could snatch and kill pretty much any creature within a blink of an eye. So, the brilliant individual he is, Rassmussen decided to practice his quick draw technique, only he failed to complete the draw before he fired. Had his skin been anywhere near as fragile as human’s skin, he would have likely lost his foot. As it is, he now has a divot between his big toe and the next toe over.
When asked if this was the end to his gun toting antics, the beast just looked at me like I had two heads and asked if another package had arrived from Boom Boom Rockets and More.